[Jagriti55] FAQs on Habits of Minds > HOMs
Q1: Schools are not only taking care of academics, these HOMs are taken care of naturally. Why do we need to focus on them?
A: Children are born with all the habits of mind: confidence, independence etc. As they start growing up they hear us say that 'you can't do this/that' etc and they are affected by it. It is interesting to understand that there are no opposites of subjects which children learn at school say for eg: maths/English, but there are opposites for responsible-irresponsible, confident-not confident etc. HOM is based on experiences and now we have to check and see if the experiences the child is getting is helping him to develop these or not and what else or what can we do to facilitate the development of these HOM's.
Q2: If confidence and responsibility is a habit of mind then why is it that I am confident at times and not at times, responsible at times and not responsible at times?
A: How would we define habit? Something that we keep repeating. It is possible that this has not developed to that extent to become consistent or a habit. We are in a continuous process of understanding each and every habit of mind. It is a matter of looking at HOM in various perspectives. In every situation my VALUE for HOM is different.
We are still limited in our understanding of these habits. There are so many different aspects of it which are still unexplored. We can start by asking questions, observing our experiences and actions, asking others as to what they understand about a certain habit, and look at every experience as an opportunity to learn something. There is no end and this is only the beginning.
Q3: Is one HOM more important than the other?
A: It would be very limiting for us to say that a certain HOM is more or less important than the other. There are certain Hom's which we use a lot and some which we use in certain situations. For eg: Punctuality is not used all the time. It is only when I have to reach somewhere I use punctuality. Trust on the other hand would be used a lot - since consciously or unconsciously a lot of things I do is based on trust ... on myself / others / things / machines / etc. But this itself does not make one HOM more important than another.
We propose, explore and understand each HOM and see what role it plays in your life and based on that decide which ones you would like to focus on developing into habits.
Q4: Punctuality is important for me, but my child does not care. I keep reminding him that he has to be on time and it stresses me out. I have tried by setting an alarm for him, putting up a chart for him etc but it is just not working. How can I develop this habit in him?
A: Exactly, punctuality is your habit as it has some value for you. You are using your strategies to develop this habit in your child. The child is still at a loss to understand what value it has for him. Our question to ourselves would be ' Where all, how all, can we offer child experiences of being late or being on time'. I guess now we have to look at strategies which would be opportunities from day to day life or even set up experiences where the child experiences this HOM. Giving Gyan to the child about being on time will not really help him to develop this habit. How the child gets the understanding is the key.
More than what I can do to develop value - I need to understand what value the child has. If I want to develop it in the child - then it is my want - then the rope of the child is in my hand. The whole game of HOM is not to develop it in the child to see the results - we fail as a parent or facilitator when we put efforts with the end result in mind. We can only create awareness, give experience etc - it will be the child's choice to choose and space and time to get that value and develop as HOM. Child drives his or her values.
Q5: Developing HOMs seems like a lot of work, we are already bogged down with the academics and other activities. We do not have enough time to work on these separately.
A: We spend a lot of time helping our children in their academics or developing skills (music, drawing etc) .. we have to understand that all these work within the basic operating system. If the operating system is not helping then other things may not work. The interesting thing about HOMs is that we need not really demarcate a time or place for it - we just integrate it in the natural settings. The need out here is to be aware :-)).
Let's take an example: I give my child Rs.100/- and send him to the shop, he comes back and gives the change. This simple day to day chore is an opportunity for me to work with this child to develop the habit of responsibility with regard to money. I sit and reflect with the child - how was he aware of her responsibility towards money, towards a correct purchase, quantity, responsible in carrying it properly, maybe using a cloth bag instead of a plastic bag, responsibility towards road rules when she went to the shop, responsibility towards other customers in shop, etc. We can discuss alternative ways to be responsible for such a simple task. Next time I again send her with money and see how it goes and again reflect, strategize etc. This process can be followed again and again exploring every time a different habit of mind in it. The same responsibility can be explored in different aspects of the child's life .. doing his own homework/ bringing back things ..pencil etc/ noting down what happens in the class. It may seem an effort in the beginning later it becomes a habit for me to integrate habits of mind in different situations :-))
Every situation is an opportunity for me to expose to the child and give experience. More experiences a child gets, the more the child explores HOMs in various situations, via different perspectives.
Q6: Is a habit an image? How is a HOM different from an image?
A: What is an image? Eg: If I think that I am a patient person then patient is an image. I am holding on to this image of mine. What happens to me when I shout at the auto driver or the salesperson in the shop. Then I am looking for excuses to justify or rationalise why I shouted. Or I may sometimes even feel guilty about my behaviour.
However, instead of an image, 'being patient' is just a habit for me? Then after the shouting situation above I reflect, think of how differently I could have responded and what would I do next time. In fact this reflection may only help me to develop the habit more.
So image is aspirational, while habits of mind are ways to operate. It's a habit because I value it for what it does for me (functional) and not because I aspire to be seen by people / self as a certain kind of person.
In HOMs I know while it is a habit, I would use it sometimes and may not use it sometimes. The choice is in my hand and maybe dependent on the situation. And I am okay with this.
In Image I push or stress myself to be behaving in a certain way all the while.
So image is how I am seen, while HOMs is how I behave.
Q7: If I take a particular HOM as being important, how does that help me?
A: When I think that a particular HOM is important, I become aware, I start understanding the many dimensions of it. I work with strategies, look back at the experience and ask myself how I was operating, what was dominant in my mind when I did that.
All of this and much more results into the HOM becoming so ingrained that I effortlessly operate from that habit.
Eg: When suddenly in a crowded building there is a fire alarm, some people panic, while some because of their Habit of mind, stay calm, and their resourcefulness helps many lives to be saved.
Q8: I can learn from my experiences, why special importance to HOMs?
A: Does experience really teach us? If that was the case then given the number of mistakes I have made in my life, I would be a perfect human being by now.
Hence HOMs give vital direction to that learning from experiences.
It is literally like upgrading our operating system from an older 'buggy' version to a better version
Q8: When I give my child a strategy, (eg: how to organise his things) she does not follow it.
A: We are going too fast onto strategy. If the child understands the 'why', i.e. the importance of the HOM, of what she is doing and what value it has for her - then she will find her own strategy and she will work on the strategy herself.
So instead of giving the child the strategy, let us help the child realise the importance of the HOM itself. And his realising is on her own accord - it may not happen in a small-time - it may take months, years, sometimes decades. For some HOM maybe the realisation will never happen (we haven't realised many). And that is all right for we are not gunning for a perfect child, we can only work towards a rich environment. Just like we cannot have perfect physical health, but we can ensure a nutritionally rich diet, so with HOMs.
Experiences can be used for reflection and learning from them. Without reflection, we might just be repeating the experience.
Q9: Don't I need to first inculcate the HOMs in me and then work with the child?
A: This is neither needed nor practically possible. Remember we are not trying to get the child to be a perfect person in 10 years time. Not at all. We are not perfect and neither does the child need to be.
If we think we are wiser than the child, then our relationship of learning is narrow. But if we both can learn together, with each other and from each other then it's an expanding relationship, growing both.
Our recommendation, do not give gyan from the past. Rather take day to day happening as stimulus and have interesting, meaningful and deep conversations without concluding anything.
Let us all in the family and friends circle, continuously upgrade our operating system.
Do share your thoughts and yes more questions.
warmly
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Aarohi Website: https://aarohilife.org
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