[Jagriti55] Myth called CHILD ✨

We're making an assertion, not because it is right or wrong, but simply because it leads to some important thoughts and implications. The assertion is that child - or more specifically 'childhood' is a myth.

To us our whole life is just a continuum, we are born and then we grow and grow on till at some time we just fall off and die. Hence the demarcation called childhood is an arbitrary notion. It's almost like a country's or a state's boundary— a man-made division, which may be of some political and legal importance, but in itself is quite arbitrary. In a global world today, we say, these boundaries are blurring and to good effect.

In our workshops with teachers and parents, we often ask, "So at what age did you stop being a child?" And most "adults" are flummoxed, some even scurry to say, "I am still a child!"

The key problem with calling a child a 'child' is that it loads our mind with a multitude of assumptions and beliefs about the child, which can be very limiting to the child and constraining the way we work with them. What if, every time we see a child, we say to ourselves, "Hey, there goes another fellow (very similar to me)". How will that impact our thoughts, our responses, our interactions, our efforts, etc?

Myth 1: Children are innocent
Nothing can be more untrue than this. We confuse ignorance with innocence. At all ages, we are manipulative — twisting and turning — to get what we want. Also, children do not like being considered innocent. Just because they don't know (some facts) does not mean that they can't think or feel. Children think that they are smart and they are – Period.
The problem with considering children as innocent is that we think that they cannot take responsibility for their actions. Worse, we think that as parents or teachers we are responsible for their actions. However, when we start holding children accountable to their thoughts, emotions and actions, when they start taking the onus of themselves, then the key education of being a responsible, sensitive person of integrity actually starts. In learning terms, they start taking the onus of their learning.

Myth 2:   Children are dependent
In Hindi, they say, "Baccha hai". Oh, what an alibi to snatch their independence and make them do what we want them to do - all in name of dependence. EXAMPLE: We want to feed them what we want, how much we want, at the time we want - just because they can't cook themselves!
But the worst belief is that they are dependent on us to learn! Because we think they depend on us to learn, we teach. And because we teach, they shy away from learning on their own. However, deep down they want to learn on their own. They actually only once in a while need some support. Watch how an infant is all too keen to learn how to walk, to talk, to explore. He is not looking for a teacher. But as children grow, gradually we make them believe that they need to depend on us to learn. We even feel important that they depend on us!
But the more they depend on us to learn, the less is the rate of learning, quality of learning and even the desire to learn.

Myth 3: Children are Incapable
A child tries to reach a switch and immediately a parent reaches out to switch it on for him. A child tries to open a lock and promptly the parent says, "You can't do this, give it to me". A child struggles with maths, the teacher says, "You need remedial classes".
Almost all teachers and parents I have met want children to be confident self-believers. But at the same time through our communication and actions, we are telling children that they are children and hence incapable! Intuitively, if I want children to feel capable, first I would need to believe that they are capable. Then through my actions show them that they are as capable as any one of us!

Myth 4: Children are Cute
We learn from John Holt, especially the 12th chapter of his book "Escape from childhood". He says (I paraphrase him) - When a child is appearing cute - he is most probably displaying qualities that are actually valuable - qualities like energy, intent, passion, trust, forgiveness, etc. Example a toddler "intent" on eating a mango on his own, smearing it all over her face, which we exclaim as cute!
When we think of the child as cute, we invalidate these qualities; make them seem like things children should "outgrow". Worse, by responding to results as cute, we even teach them to hide such qualities. Example, often a child's curiosity appears to adults as cute but silly behaviour. In many ways considering children as cute makes us look down upon them, as love objects. We adopt condescending tones and behaviours; we respond to them sentimentally; we gain the authority to judge them and sadly we take away, slowly the deep act of living in the present moment.

Myth 5: Children are children
By calling children "children" we are clearly saying that they are not adults. We end up believing that they can not have the same qualities as adults. Also, whatever childish qualities they seem to have the need to outgrow them, only then they call be called mature adults! Qualities such as a sense of humour, joy of action, of achieving, etc.
We are amazed that in workshop after workshop most adults believe that children are incapable of setting goals for themselves. May we remind you of a one-year-old - clear about her goal of wanting ice cream and the kind of perseverance she shows? Also, how flexibly she moves from father to mother to grandmother in search of fulfilment of the goal (the ice cream). If you observe carefully, you will realize that children do almost nothing without a goal and do not like others interfering with their goals. Children seem to have this innate goal-setting quality, which most adults think only they are capable of.

In much the same way, when a child senses that the mother is upset over something, he either backs off (leaves her alone) or comes forward and hugs her, even though the child may not have any idea as to why the mother is upset. We hope the above two examples show you the amount of mental (in the first case) and emotional (in the latter one) maturity children have and show.

So isn't a child also an adult and yes an adult a child?
Once we release children of this notion of 'not being adults', we gain two productive behaviours:
One, we start treating them with the respect they deserve.
Two, stop constraining them and eschew behaviours that only undermine the very development we want to see in them.
Clearly, if we want to be effective as teachers we need to release children from the prison of our perception. We need to relook at children NOT as children but as respectable, responsible, independent, individuals whose dignity is defined not by what they do and how they do, but by valuing them as what they are!

Full article available on the website here: https://aarohilife.org/home/resources/myth-called-child  

warmly
Aditi-Ratnesh  (Ph: +91-98450-45833)
Aarohi is an Open Learning Community for learners of all ages: Open to all kinds of interests, abilities, styles and content areas. Learning by doing what one wants, how one wants, and self reflection. Community to co-live, co-learn and co-support each other. Aarohi's Campus is in a village near Hosur in Tamil Nadu (55km fm Bangalore).
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